whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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