It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
