I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
