At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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