proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
