do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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