I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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