1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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