is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
