this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
