mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
