Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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