Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
