plz talk dirty to me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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