Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i drank out of a bidet.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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