1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
