So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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