My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
