I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Still dying that you shit outside
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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