She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
