The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
