Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im holly from the hills drunk
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
