You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
