As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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