but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
