Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
two words...techno handjob
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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