Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There's even glitter on my cock...
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