There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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