Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The adults are the big ones right?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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