Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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