I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
