I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
