my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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