i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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