Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
