Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
