toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
