he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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