:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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