i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
