Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He did a backflip because drugs
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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