dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
