so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
