i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
