Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
