I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
