When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
