Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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