i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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