New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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