It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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