if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
