im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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