What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
