youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
