I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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