My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
