I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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