i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
